Apparently, I am NOT Talking To Myself....Whodathunkit?!?

For those of you who have been following my blog (yes, all TWO of you! Chris and Ann, you precious little things, you! ;-)  ) I have been called out.  My prissy little blog here, the one I write for my own benefit and for absolutely no one else's, has been called into question.  Chastised, even.  Actually, to be quite honest, it's been strung up like Jesus on the Cross, but then so has my Christianity and my Republicanism, which too were called into question as being....well, let's just say that SOME people apparently don't "approve of" my beliefs.  My knee-jerk reaction was to delete their incredibly hateful and uneducated commentary, but I found after I returned and tried to undo that delete, that they had erased their own comments.  Go figure?


So yesterday, after SEVERAL very long days of being harassed and demeaned and spoken of in very ugly terms (which were relayed to me via quite reliable sources, I might add) I decided that I had had quite enough.  Moving, and the perils that lie therein (see my previous blog), as well as the land-stalker (also, previous blog, and now that I think about it, probably the next blog, too) piled all on top of people whom I felt had taken extreme advantage of me, as well as trash-talked me to other members of my family, and welllllll.....hell....you know that kind of thing can just pile up on you! 


Speaking of piling up, you know guilt has a way of piling up on you, as well.  Guilt is a very volatile thing.  Guilt can make you very defensive.  Guilt can make you feel...well....guilty.  Guilt is defined by Wikipedia as, "...the fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.^[1] It is also a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation." 


Nothing will bring forth the moral indignation that guilt does, either!  Think about it...when you were a kid, and got caught doing something wrong, didn't you get WAY more angry and defensive when you KNEW you were wrong, than when you were inaccurately accused?  Admit it - your face got all inflamed, and you started to stutter and shake, and then you went to ANY LENGTHS necessary to PROVE that you were not wrong, even though you knew damn good and well you were.


Yep, guilt is a strong emotion.  When you know that you've said things about someone that you should never have said, guilt can be an incredibly strong motivator for denying that you said those things.  Or maybe, you admit you said those things, but hey...you were provoked.  Right?  Or those things you said were true, right?  Well, maybe not QUITE true, but that's your story and you're sticking to it.  And your daddy is, too! 


I don't know....the way that I was raised, nobody ever said ANYTHING about your family.  THAT was immediate grounds for friend dismissal.  I could say anything I wanted about how my sister was that, or my mother did this, but hey...nobody else ever BETTER say a WORD about my sister or mother!  But maybe that's just me, and the way I was raised, and the way I tried to raise my children.  Family loyalty to ME is everything. 


I have to admit that I also find it quite interesting, (and I think Freud would agree), that people's names don't even have to be mentioned in order to draw this visceral guilt reaction.  Just relay a story of someone doing something that is less than humanitarian, and document them saying things that moral people would be embarrassed to say in public (or at least GET CAUGHT saying in public),  even without using ANY NAMES and VOILA'!  You will most assuredly have found moral indignation!  Better known as GUILT!  And or, guilty conscience!


Thank heavens that I will be able to sleep well tonight, knowing that I for one do not have a guilty conscience.  I have not said anything, nor quoted anyONE's commentary, that was not true - that was not said about me, or to me, or perhaps even emailed or texted to me just this very day.  I simply relayed what happened to me, and was thus crucified by those who DID have a guilty conscience. 

"Defending the truth is not something one does out of a sense of duty or to allay guilt complexes, but is a reward in itself."  ~  Simone de Beauvoir