Dear ARRTy,
Why are Health Care Professionals always SO RUDE to me when they call me back for my appointment? I had an appointment just the other day, and the Technologist had the audacity to tell me that I had to go back out in the waiting room until I was finished with my phone call! Can you believe that?!?
Signed, Gabby in Galveston
Dear Gabby,
Let me just start by saying HANG UP THE BLOODY PHONE ALREADY!!!! You are SO RUDE! I'll bet you are the kind of person that has that cell phone constantly glued to your ear, aren't you? You probably walk around yack-yack-yacking all day long, droning pointlessly on about inconsequential nonsense, utterly oblivious to everyone around you, not caring how much you inconvenience anyone who's waiting for you to pull into your parking space, write the check for your groceries, or pay attention to the vital instructions that your Health Care Provider is trying to give to you before your exam.
The rest of the world is quite frankly not as interested in your life as you are. We are simply hostages, held powerlessly in line behind you or next to you in the waiting room while being subjected to your insipid verbal diarrhea. Just for the record hon, NOONE CARES that your cat has not had regular bowel movements for the last week. NOONE CARES that your sister's son-in-law's cousin's boyfriend was arrested for DUI again last week. ABSOLUTELY NOONE CARES about your opinion of the lastest "New & Improved" status of your favorite feminine hygiene wash!
YOU - on the other hand - just MIGHT be interested in hearing what your Health Care Provider has to say to you. We have such important information as:
"You know, if you walk in to the MRI room with that cell phone plugged up against your ear, not only is it going to kill your battery (GASP!) but your phone will most likely go FLYING through the air and stick itself to the side of the BIG GIANT MAGNET. At which point, we are going to have to cancel every patient for the rest of the entire afternoon while we squelch the machine, shutting everything down, so that we can retrieve your infernal cell phone - or at least what's LEFT of it."
(Translation - Do NOT walk in here with that damn cell phone!)
-and-
"Ma'am, I'm about to drive this very long needle into your gluteus maximus filled with a noxious substance designed to irradicate that nasty little infection that is percolating in your nether regions. Do you think you could possibly disengage that cell phone from the various orifices on your face long enough to let me know if you are going to go into anaphylactic shock after I administer this?"
(Translation - Would you hang the hell up and tell me if you have any drug allergies?!?!?)
-and-
"Sir, that pacemaker so precariously controlling your heartbeat is EXTREMELY susceptible to interference from radio, magnetic and micro waves. You would most likely not be flailing on the floor right now in atrial defibrillation had you chosen to disconnect that incredibly fascinating phone call about how amazing your cow's insemination was last week and instead listened to me as I tried to stop you from entering the MRI area."
(Translation: If you had hung up you would have heard me telling you to stop, and you would not now be clutching your chest with a heart attack.)
-and-
"Ma'am, it is critical that you consume large amounts of liquids, preferably water, for the rest of the afternoon in order to sufficiently flush the barium contrast from your digestive tract."
(Translation: If you don't get enough water in your gut, that chalky white crap we made you drink before your CT is going to get rock hard. If you think you had a belly ache before you came in today, wait until you haven't been able to poop for 4 days.)
So, kiddies, the lesson learned from Dear ARRTy today? While you may erroneously believe that your phone conversation is paramount in the grand scheme of the world's dynamics, we lowly Health Care Providers are simply attempting to provide you with the best care we can possibly give. To accomplish that, we need your undivided attention to listen to instructions, as well as answer vital questions concerning your health history. You cannot possibly do that while busily conversing with your first husband's aunt's hairdresser concerning whether she thinks it was appropriate for your first husband's aunt to get highlights. I realize that creation as we know it may come to a screeching halt if that particular matter is not diligently dissected, but then again YOUR personal creation could be at stake here as well.
So besides the fact that the general public at large is entirely exasperated by your incessant prattling, your attention while in your Health Care Provider's office would not only be THE POLITE THING TO DO, you might just find that the information we have to share with you is MEANINGFUL!!! (Translation: Put that damn cell phone away and pay attention to me before I cram your cell phone up your ass!)
