Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sneaky Scoutmaster - Snotty Remarks Are For Assholes

Sometime around Thanksgiving....

Mr. Scoutmaster: "Folks, I've been with this Troop for years, but my son is aging out and it's time for me to step down. Effective in May, I'll be stepping back from the duties of Scoutmaster. Someone needs to volunteer to take over."

Fast forward MONTHS LATER to Feb....

Me: "You know, I have 10 years experience as a Scout Leader. I've worn just about every hat possible between Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. I've been to BSA's National Camp School and run camps for Council. I love working with the boys, and now that I'm working for myself I have the time to devote, so how about I take over as Scoutmaster? I mean, the boys are ok with the idea, and none of the MALE Assistant Scoutmasters have stepped up."

Whoa there, Little Lady! You are opening up a great big can of Good Ol' Boy Bullshit that I just don't think you're prepared for. *hiking Scoutmaster pants up over belly* You see, the 50-something year old man who's been running the Troop for years, along with the 70-something year old man who's been running the Committee for even MORE years, don't exactly like the idea of a *gasp* WOMAN taking over! I mean, how could a WOMAN possibly run an appropriate program for BOYS? *insert eye roll here* How could a WOMAN function without the weight of a great big ol' set of balls controlling her every whim?

Obviously a WOMAN will have to rely on the men to control everything she does, right? I mean good gravy, without a penis she's definitely going to have WAAAYYYY TOO MUCH blood flowing to her head. Who knows how that extra blood will affect her reasoning? Her ability to make decisions? She might actually use common sense to lead the Troop, and well.....that would be DISASTROUS!

We'll only be able to spoon feed her tiny bits of information at a time, because no doubt all that extra blood filling her brain will not allow her to process all the policies and rules that we Good Ol' Boys use to make this Troop run like a well oiled machine. *whispering to each other* Did you plan the program for this week? No, I thought you were going to do it... What are we gonna do? I dunno, fake it? We can blame it on the gal! Ahem, anyway... We can't let her email and talk to the other parents, either. If she starts rallying the other biddies we'll be in SERIOUS trouble!

How dare she even contemplate the hard-core masculine role of Scoutmaster, anyway? Boobs don't fit in the uniform, do they? We don't have a make-up mirror hanging in the Scoutmaster's office. And what in hell will she do if she starts that female crap out camping? She could draw wild animals! The boys would be in danger! We'd better just nip this silly female's idea in the bud. Maybe if we tear down every idea she has, and only give her partial information for the jobs we give her so she can't possibly do the jobs right, she'll just start crying and go home. Yeah, yeah! That's the ticket! Hike up your testicles men and let's run this split-tail off! No way can she stand up to us Good Ol' Boys if we stick together! Right?!?

WRONG! Move those testicles outta my way! The Pink Diva is taking over your Troop! Sit Down, Shut Up and HOLD ON! Or if you Good Ol' Boys can't stand the Estrogen, feel free to HAUL ASS!

See ya BUH-BYE!

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